I'm More Fun Than Disneyland!

I've been a little whacked out lately. I take Zoloft for depression. (Or, more accurately, sertralina, which is the same stuff, except in Mexico I get it over the counter at a fraction of the cost.) I went off it for a couple months when I first got sober this year, at my shrink's suggestion, and was a complete wreck. So I went back on it, with breathtaking results.

So anyway. The last few weeks I was starting to run out of the pills, didn't feel like making a run across the border, so I started skipping days here and there, to stretch out the supply. Then last week, I suddenly asked myself why I've been feeling so lousy lately. Well, duh. I went and got my supply, got back on my daily dosage, and I'm already feeling better. I know it was a problem because I get some funky side effects as the seratonin level builds back up in my brain.

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My poor son got some brunt of both the depression/anxiety hanging on and the side effects of insomnia and its consequent irritability. So I was a little impatient with him this weekend, and not energetic enough to keep him from being bored. To be fair to myself, I have to admit he brought his own behavioral characteristics into the picture. Such as, getting into everything he can reach and attempting to get into everything he can't reach. Then, when I tell him not to, he grins at me and continues doing it. Repeatedly. Or, saying, "want cookie!!" continuously for 20 minutes. I lost my temper with him a few times.

We had fun, anyway. One of the things he likes best now is this little trick: I lay on my back with my knees up. He leans against my knees and grabs my hands. The I lift him up with my legs, so he's straight upside-down above me, then I grab him under the arms and flip him down to the floor on his back over my head. He loves it! I'm more fun than Disneyland!

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I'm worried about my sponsor. He's a terrific guy, one of the best friends I've ever had, and he's been a great sponsor, helping me through some pretty rough spots. He's been particularly beneficial helping me explore my spirituality.

This is his situation: he had eight years of sobriety, after getting clean and sober in prison. Then he relapsed for 18 months before coming back in. He has been very serious and focused in his sobriety, and has 30 months this time around. He did rehab, then a group recovery home, and now is in sober living apartments. His deadline to move out is coming up in the next couple months. He had lost his license, he's gone through all the hoops to get it back, and now is just waiting for the state to process paperwork. So, things are coming together for him: ready to move out, and live and drive among the Earth People. It's a tremendous accomplishment for him, and I respect him a lot. On paper, this guy is a lost soul; in life, he's an inspiration, and a nice guy with a great sense of humor, besides.

He started playing around with online matchmaking sites. That's cool, he's avoided dating until he felt ready, and now he's ready to move, ready to drive, so why not ready to date? And I met my wife via AOL, so I have nothing against meeting people online.

Here's why I'm worried: he's smitten with a girl in Russia. I should say, alleged girl. He's been corresponding with her for maybe two months, and she says she coming to visit him, at her own expense, in two weeks, and staying for a month. She says she's a gynecologist in a town outside Moscow. She sends a lot of pictures, and she is absolutely gorgeous. A lot of the pictures are clearly professional.

Let's assume, for the moment, that this is completely on the level, and she somehow navigates the thicket of DHS and State to get a tourist visa in time to turn up here in two weeks. My sponsor's plan is, at that point, to explain to her he's a recovering alcoholic, can't drive, and she can't stay with him at the sober living apartment he lives in. I made a comment to him about keeping a lot of secrets from her, but he responded that this plan would work fine. It bothers me a lot that he's ready to dive into this relationship, but is unwilling to practice "rigorous honesty" at the outset.

On the other hand, let's assume the obvious: this thing is a scam. He's convinced himself it isn't. He believes it's legit because she says she's ready to pay her own way, and she reports all these things she's doing to get her visa. So, in the next few days, when she reports, say, an obstacle that requires him to wire her $1000, he's going to do it. Even though I, and everyone else he's told about it, has told him, don't send her any money -- if you want to help her pay for her ticket, give it to her when she's here. Maybe I'm just too cynical, but I think he's going to end up taken for money he can ill afford to throw away; and, even worse, he's going to have his heart broken.

And all of this makes it hard to focus on my steps with him...

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I've been goofing around with my template. I haven't gotten into web site stuff this much since I did a site for a Playboy cover model. (It seemed like a perfectly normal thing to do when I was drinking... Sweet girl. But she kept gaining weight and using worse and worse photographers...) Is anyone having funky stuff happen with the reader survey? How about links to other blogs? I tested it all with IE6, Netscape7.2 and Firefox1.06 and it seemed to work okay. The only problem I found was that IE blows out sometimes if I do a mouseover before all the jpg's load -- I'm trying to find a solution for that. If you had problems, other than that, more than two days ago or so, it's probably fixed -- I had to do several quick template republications when bugs cropped up, and I apologize if one of the bugs caught you, or if I blew you out with a republish.

So, please let me know if my "improvements" are still causing problems for you. :)