Anonymity

A blogging friend just closed down her blog and started a new one, withholding a few previously-known details about her identity. Why? She got into a jam at work, because someone read some things on her blog they didn't like.

Some other blogging friends have received poison-pen comments from people identified only as "anonymous," without any links.

Still others have deleted posts or felt constrained to explain or apologize for posts, because a friend or loved one didn't like the post.

All the bloggers I'm talking about are in Alcoholics Anonymous. Anonymity is a big thing for us AA's, and I think it's completely misunderstood by many unfamiliar with the Fellowship.

When I first came to AA, I thought everyone was anonymous so no one else inside AA would know who we really are, and that we were supposed to keep our alcoholism a complete secret from everyone outside of AA. All very sneaky because we are so ashamed of our alcoholism. We are supposed to hide.

Boy, did I have it wrong!

Anonymity in AA has two purposes. First, it protects the confidentiality of what another alcoholic says to us. For instance, my sponsor is not supposed to stand up at a meeting and say, "Listen to what Phil told me about in his fifth step..." There is, however, nothing to stop me, if I choose, to stand up, give my full name, address, phone number and social security number, and share my entire fifth step. We respect others' anonymity; we choose whatever level of personal anonymity we want for ourselves.

The second purpose of anonymity is to prevent anyone from setting themselves up as public spokesmen for AA, at the level of "press, radio and film" (and this now includes television). This keeps any of us from using AA to pursue personal power, prestige and wealth; and keeps AA from being hijacked by a self-willed dry drunk.

There is nothing about shame, sneaking or hiding in our anonymity. It's about respect and humility.

The first blogger -- let's call her Mata Hari -- disclosed enough information about herself to be identifiable, but well within the AA tradition of anonymity. And she is very honest and forthright in her "sharing" -- it benefits many of us. Who knows how many people, a little worried about their drinking, have found their way to her blog, identified with her words, saw a kind heart in her picture, knows someone who once lived in her town, has a fondly-remembered great-aunt with her name? And thought, hmmmm, maybe I'll try going to an AA meeting.

Now, because someone with a little power over Mata Hari didn't "get" how important journalizing and sharing are, to her and her readers, she has to be a little less honest, a little more anonymous, a little more remote from her readers. Because something Mata Hari said rubbed the wrong way.

The poison-pen anonymous commenters are simply contemptible, in my opinion. Their anonymity is fearful, ashamed, sneaky and hiding. There is nothing resembling respect or humility in their anonymity.

I'm sad for the bloggers who have been forthright and honest in their words, and in identifying themselves to people close to them, and have those people not "get" what's going on and feel they have to delete posts or explain or apologize for them. It takes courage to put yourself out there, and hurts when you pay a price.

I've chosen to be fairly anonymous in my blog. I don't share many identifiable details and I have told hardly any friends about the blog. I admit this is primarily out of fear. I don't want anything to come back and bite me. I admire those of you who choose less anonymity than I have chosen, and it irks and saddens me that some of you have suffered for it. And the people who hide behind cowardly anonymity to attack and inflict pain make me angry.