My Toddler Teaches Me: Lesson 1

I could devote an entire blog to recovery lessons my not-quite-three son teaches me. He has many pedagogical methods: sometimes he sets an example for me, sometimes he unlocks new discoveries about myself, and sometimes he holds a mirror up so that I can see myself in him. His curriculum is pretty specialized and focused: it's all about teaching me how to love others and walk humbly and gratefully in the light of God's love.

The first lesson I'll share here is the rewards of Doing the Next Right Thing. I wrote a few days ago that my program, or I should say "program," is noteworthy more for its gaps than its contents. The gap I'm most conscious of is step six: readiness to have God remove my defects of character. I've so far identified twelve categories of personal defects -- the seven deadlies plus another five serious things. And the one that may be my biggest obstacle to progress is sloth. Even when I can clearly identify the Next Right Thing, I don't do it.

Every morning I pray for, among other things, focused motivation, energetic discipline and physical endurance to Do the Next Right Thing. The one area where I have most clearly seen God answer this prayer is with my son. Over the past couple months I have been aware of improvement in my effectiveness as a father. I seem to be able to see more clearly what my son needs from me, and be able to provide it promptly: a regular schedule, a new pair of shoes, a hug, a trip to the park, a call to his mom, paper and crayons, a new day care center, a graham cracker, a tickle. Big stuff and small stuff. Whether I'm too tired or not, whether it's something his mom "should" provide or not, whether I have something "better" to do or not. Far from perfect, but better than before.

The result is astounding. I've always had a good, loving relationship with my son. But it has become so much closer, so quickly. I guess he somehow understands that he can depend on me, and I can tell he enjoys his time with me more than he did before. And I feel so much closer to him. By making an effort to place his needs above my own desires, what I get from my relationship with him exceeds anything that I would have thought to desire!

This isn't anything different from what I've heard people say a hundred times in meetings. But my son has given me the first opportunity to try it myself, and he has given me the first taste of the rewards of Doing the Next Right Thing.