Friday, January 13, 2006


Thank you, everyone, for all your kind words of encouragement! It really helps a lot. :)

Things are not bad at all. I am actually posting this from work -- yes, that's right, work! I resgistered with an agency Monday and started a gig Tuesday. And they keep wanting me to come back. It's not a huge amount of money, and I'm a temp, but it feels good to be productive and valued by an employer. It's remarkable how different it is to go to work in the morning without a hangover, and without having to drink oceans of coffee both to keep myself awake and to cover my stale beer breath.

My living situation is going fine, too. I actually like it more than I anticipated I would. I figured, just knowing how I am, that I would spend the first couple weeks absolutely hating it and kicking myself for doing it, then settle in a bit and accept it. But I've found I do accept it, and I'm benefiting from my brothers in the house. If I stay 2 or 3 months, I'll probably leave with 2 or 3 lifelong friends. It's inconvenient, I find myself resenting rushing from work to spend a few minutes with my son, and rushing to the house to make my curfew. Then do my silly chores, vacuuming a clean rug and windexing a spotless glass table. So, obviously, it's good that I'm living there. :)

Last night I did the rushing around, a bottle of bleach leaked in my truck, and my son was utterly blase about seeing me. I mentioned the bleach to a guy at the house, and he pointed out I should be grateful to have a truck. He was right, of course, and I agreed, and added that I'm grateful for bleach, too.

Today I realized I felt hurt that my son has been blase and matter-of-fact when he sees me the past few days. I'm accustomed to him being excited and thrilled to see me. Well, since he would go a week or two without seeing me, of course he was excited. Now he sees me every day, and it's part of his daily routine. And that's why I'm here -- to see him every day and be a part of his routine. So why should I feel bad that he responds to it as a routine thing? :)

I really do have a lot to be grateful for, and I'm aware of the countless blessings God has given me. Every day, it seems I'm a little more happy, joyous and free than I was the day before. Can it get any better than that???

Bless you all, my friends! I'll post again when I can.


At 1/13/2006 03:57:00 PM, Blogger K said...

Hey bud, I'm so jazzed to hear things are going well. Congratulations on your new job!

Amazing how everything just falls into place. I loved what your wrote about you and your sons relationship evolving, being able to rejoice in him not being excited to see you everyday. I've never even thought of things from that side of the coin, being that I'm not a parent. What a blessing to be an everyday part of his life.

Great post Phil.

At 1/13/2006 04:24:00 PM, Blogger dAAve said...

It works when you work it.

At 1/13/2006 05:04:00 PM, Blogger Venzmama said...

I'm a SAHM so sometimes my kids are like that with me yet when dad comes home (especially from a business trip) it's major celebration time. On the other hand, I'm the one they know they can count on and will come to me with everything. In the end I don't want to be remembered as the fun parent, but the reliable one. It's hard on the ego and you probably need an ego boost now and then, but you also need to be the responsible parent and your son WILL remember that! Good luck with your new place in life!

At 1/14/2006 03:43:00 AM, Anonymous Logan Wick said...

I am glad to hear that everything is going well. Congrats on the new job!

At 1/14/2006 04:29:00 AM, Blogger Rex said...

Glad to hear things are going well. Just remember that we suffer from a family disease and the family needs time t heal too. My kids have moved through the cycle of healing with me: anger, grief, denial, depression, guilt, and gratitude. In the end the relationship we have now makes it all worth while. ODAAT

At 1/14/2006 07:29:00 AM, Blogger Mary Christine said...

Recovery. Recovery. Recovery. This blog is a beacon of recovery. What a wonderful thing.

At 1/15/2006 05:22:00 AM, Blogger NMAMFQLMSH said...

Most excellent to hear from you again Phil. I miss the partys we use to have. I'm glad you are doing well. I wouldn't worry too much about your you said he is seeing you everyday now. Can't tell you the last time my girls were excited to see me unless I was holding some greenback in my hand.
I see you,

At 1/16/2006 04:43:00 AM, Blogger Rex said...

WTG! Congrats on one year today! That's awesome!

At 1/16/2006 04:51:00 AM, Blogger Anna said...

Happy B-Day! 1 year is awesome, congrats!

At 1/16/2006 07:08:00 AM, Blogger Blue said...

Wonderful post, such gratitude is always great to hear and it comes right through in your post.


Congratulations on a year!!!!

At 1/16/2006 04:07:00 PM, Blogger Shannon said...

I am soooo happy for you PHIL!!!!! He will keep blessing you, keep your faith

At 1/17/2006 04:50:00 PM, Anonymous Rusty said...

Fantastic! You rock, Phil, you really do. I'm so happy for you...and I can't help being a little proud (silly, I know), my sober brother! :-)

At 1/18/2006 02:15:00 PM, Blogger Alexis said...

I know this is a little late, but I just ran across your blog. Congratulations on one year of sobriety! Keep doing what you are doing and you will keep getting what you are getting! Always remember - you are a mircle and you are WONDERFUL!

At 1/31/2006 12:37:00 PM, Blogger Sober Chick said...

After I got out of Casa's primary program, I elected to live on the grounds, sober living. Yup, learned to share a restroom in the house I was in with 8 other women. I realized, if I could suvive that, I could survive anything!

You are in the right place my friend. You are doing hero work as a father -- your son is very fortunate to have you take such couageous steps into this new way of living.

Keep on growing and showing us the miracle you are!


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