Wednesday, December 28, 2005

What Were You Doing A Year Ago?

Here's what I was up to.

What I've learned in the past year is this: a day without a relapse is better than a day with a relapse. :)

I'm packing my apartment today. I'm loading up the truck and taking everything to LA tomorrow. I'll put it in storage. I'll spend a couple days with my son at my wife's apartment, while she's out of town for New Year's. I'll move in to a sober living house on Tuesday, five minutes away from my son. :)

This is going to be a big change for me. I felt anxious, and a little panicky, and some dread, as soon as I wrote the check and committed to moving there. It was actually very similar to the feelings I had when I first started AA. "Oh, my God, I'm going to have to change everything, give up everything about myself, and I don't really want to do it." I never even had a roommate in college. I've always been free to do whatever I want, whenever I want, with no one to say otherwise. This house has rules, curfews, and I'll be living cheek by jowl with a dozen other guys, sharing a kitchen, bathrooms, bedrooms, closets. Six months sobriety are required, so we don't have the deer-in-the-headlights newcomers, and there's regular testing, so there should be a minimum of sneaking out.

Nevertheless, what I'm facing is responsibility, structure, discipline and accountability, plus getting along with a bunch of people as whacked out as I am. These are the reasons I'm going into a sober living house. These are also the reasons I'm dreading it and anxious about it. :) It seems a bit like joining the army. Or going to prison. Or something.

The house doesn't have internet, so my posting in the next few months is likely to be rather rare, unfortunately. I will be thinking about and praying for all of you, even if I'm not posting regularly. Please pray that God grants me courage, and a willing heart, to accept this blessing and take my next steps in recovery!

12 Comments:

At 12/28/2005 05:53:00 PM, Blogger Venzmama said...

Good luck! That first step is the hardest for anything you do. I always tell my husband that "you can't score a homerun without stepping on first base!" I know God will give you the strength to adjust well and stay sober!

 
At 12/28/2005 10:12:00 PM, Blogger K said...

Have faith in God and He'll help you through anything. The trick is remembering that and believing it in the tough times. I'm sad you won't be around a lot but will keep you in my prayers.

Keep in touch.

 
At 12/29/2005 05:56:00 AM, Blogger NMAMFQLMSH said...

Good luck my bro. Stay strong and for the love of Gawd I hope you bring your computer because I miss you enough as it is.
I see you,
JJ

 
At 12/29/2005 07:02:00 AM, Blogger Blue said...

I will be keeping you in my prayers for sure.

And it's great to see that you are taking action, one doesn't get any better by resting on their laurels, so I think what you are doing is great and takes a lot of courage. Good for you!

 
At 12/29/2005 07:47:00 AM, Blogger Trudging said...

It sure sounds like God is working in your life. I will miss your posts but, it sure sounds like you are doing the right thing.

 
At 12/29/2005 11:44:00 AM, Blogger Shannon said...

Hey wow PHIL... Good luck... I grew up in group homes and foster homes, think of real world extreme... LOL you will be ok... just remember pray pray pray... this is a good oportunity too... and please go to the library or something... I will miss you again...


Hope you have a safe trip... See you soon and happy new year

 
At 12/29/2005 11:46:00 AM, Blogger Shannon said...

OH and Phil glad you are here! I read you post frm 12-28-04 under

Here's what I was up to last year

 
At 12/29/2005 11:48:00 AM, Blogger Shannon said...

Oh and Phil.. its kinda your fault how I got here to the AA blogers... see I have another blog I was doing "GOssip Queen" and from Yale to Jail popped up on my blog and I followed her over to hers and you had posted lot there I came over to you... and WOW I am greatful so see you have to keep in touch... you never know who you help or how...

 
At 12/29/2005 12:35:00 PM, Blogger Sober Chick said...

This is such a courageous step that ur doing. You are showing how important your life is and are venturing off to the unknown. A sense of powerlessness felt because of the unknown.

I grew up at Casa De Las Amigas in Pasadena CA-- I had to learn to share a bathroon with 8 other women, and learn how to be in conflict and recieve love. I am grateful for this. Although growing sucks, the pay is sooooo rewarding.

I will be praying for you and hope to see u blog of your experience, strength and hope.

 
At 12/29/2005 06:46:00 PM, Blogger dAAve said...

Wow Phil. There is nothing I can add to what the others have said. Live the steps and your HP will take care of everything in just the way it's supposed to be.

Thanks for all the fine writing and I shall keep you in my thoughts & prayers, as well as in my sidebar.

 
At 12/30/2005 05:12:00 AM, Blogger Mary Christine said...

Phil, I will be thinking of you and hoping that this will be a positive experience.

 
At 1/03/2006 11:17:00 AM, Anonymous Rusty said...

Wow! I'm totally impressed and inspired by you. I'll be thinking about you, buddy, and looking forward to hearing about your adventures. Stay sober!

 

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home