RECRUM: Recovery Ruminations: Sober Living Like a Drunk

Friday, January 06, 2006

Sober Living Like a Drunk

I'm actually writing this at my wife's place. She's been reasonably okay with me being around and doing some stuff at her place.

It's great seeing my son every day. He keeps asking to go to my house -- he doesn't quite understand I don't live there any more.

So, I'm at sober living. It's pretty grim. It's clean, the guys are okay (with one exception), but it's old and worn out, and crowded. I HATE having to be in at a certain time, there isn't much to do. There's three TV rooms, but no quiet, decently-lit place to read. So I go to bed early and get started early.

My priorities are to get a job and sell my truck. I got my resume together, but I can't find my contact names, addresses and numbers to save my life. Or my truck title. They're somewhere in storage. And storage is a freaking disaster.

I hate living like a drunk. Almost a year sober and I'm still living like a drunk. Just moving to LA has given me a lot of clarity where I am in recovery. Step Six. I'm trying to be willing to let God remove these character defects I have nurtured and cherished for so many decades. And humility to ask God in Step Seven. Willingness for six; humility for seven.

I don't WANT to be in sober living; but I want to want being there.

I can't bring my son there. Well, I can, but I won't. The first night I was there, one of the guys was talking about what another guy said to his fiancee: "What would you think if I stole a pair of your panties, and a pair of your 4-year-old daughter's, and mailed them back to you anonymously?" That's all I needed to hear: my son is going nowhere near there!

Well, back to job-hunting. I'll post again when I have a chance.

10 Comments:

At 1/06/2006 04:35:00 PM, MrsM said...: Yikes! I'm so sorry to hear Phil, that must have been such a let down. If it's an unhealthy place for you to be then maybe a place of your own would be better. Whatever you end up doing you have my prayers and best wishes. Keep us posted.

So glad to hear things are cool with your wife.
At 1/06/2006 06:00:00 PM, dAAve said...: Good to hear from you Phil.
Really nice that you're getting to see your son daily. Cherish that for as long as it lasts. Hopefully forever.
I can't really appreciate about where you're living, not having been there. It may be similar to living on a boat back when I worked offshore. At times i slept in an 8-man room.
Hang in there buddy. There IS a reason for all this. It'll come clear some day.
At 1/06/2006 07:14:00 PM, Unknown said...: Hang in there and God bless!
At 1/07/2006 02:03:00 AM, Anonymous said...: I am just going to say that I will pray for you. I am glad your wife is being cool with you. Phil, I wish I could say something more encouraging, but I'm at a loss buddy.
At 1/07/2006 05:06:00 AM, JJ said...: As difficult as it sounds try to focus on the positive. And remember I see you!
JJ
At 1/07/2006 01:30:00 PM, Mary Christine said...: Hang in there. Glad your getting to spend some time with your son. Don't be too hard on yourself, you are doing the best you can with what you've got - today.
At 1/07/2006 04:48:00 PM, Shannon said...: You are doing good Phil... One step at time. If anything it will motivate to get that job and a place of your own. Hang in there. So glad to hear from you
At 1/08/2006 02:14:00 PM, Trudging said...: One day at a time buddy
At 1/12/2006 03:03:00 PM, Anonymous said...: You're my hero, Phil! I admire you so much for what you're doing. It must be wonderful to be around your son so often. He's so lucky t have you around. Hang in there, friend...I'm sending you postive vibes on getting a job! :-)
At 1/12/2006 10:20:00 PM, Rex said...: Hey Phil,
Hang in there.....it will get better. The promises will come true. I have been taught by my "family" that there is a purpose behind all that we must trudge through. I have been told often that "this will one day be your greatest asset....you will not regret the past or wish to shut the door on it." Rely on the "family" for strength.
ODAAT....Rex

Sober Living Like a Drunk Hang in there and God bless! One day at a time buddy

1. We admitted we were powerless over alcoholâthat our lives had become unmanageable.

2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

Addiction and Recovery Support Webring

I Have Survived Webring

Just For Today Webring

AlcoholAndDrugAbuse.com
Website

Alcoholism: Getting the Facts
National Institutes of Health

Frequently Asked Questions on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism
National Institutes of Health

Alcohol Studies Database
Rutgers University

"...If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through.

1. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness

2. We will not regret the past, nor wish to shut the door on it

3. We will comprehend the word serenity

4. We will know peace

5. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others

6. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear

7. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain insight into our fellows

8. Self-seeking will slip away

9. Our whole attitude and outlook will change

10. Fear of people and economic insecurity will leave us

11. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us

12. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves

Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us -- sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them..."
© A.A. World Services, Inc.

If God is for us, who can be against us? Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us.

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Romans 8