Friday, January 06, 2006

Sober Living Like a Drunk

I'm actually writing this at my wife's place. She's been reasonably okay with me being around and doing some stuff at her place.

It's great seeing my son every day. He keeps asking to go to my house -- he doesn't quite understand I don't live there any more.

So, I'm at sober living. It's pretty grim. It's clean, the guys are okay (with one exception), but it's old and worn out, and crowded. I HATE having to be in at a certain time, there isn't much to do. There's three TV rooms, but no quiet, decently-lit place to read. So I go to bed early and get started early.

My priorities are to get a job and sell my truck. I got my resume together, but I can't find my contact names, addresses and numbers to save my life. Or my truck title. They're somewhere in storage. And storage is a freaking disaster.

I hate living like a drunk. Almost a year sober and I'm still living like a drunk. Just moving to LA has given me a lot of clarity where I am in recovery. Step Six. I'm trying to be willing to let God remove these character defects I have nurtured and cherished for so many decades. And humility to ask God in Step Seven. Willingness for six; humility for seven.

I don't WANT to be in sober living; but I want to want being there.

I can't bring my son there. Well, I can, but I won't. The first night I was there, one of the guys was talking about what another guy said to his fiancee: "What would you think if I stole a pair of your panties, and a pair of your 4-year-old daughter's, and mailed them back to you anonymously?" That's all I needed to hear: my son is going nowhere near there!

Well, back to job-hunting. I'll post again when I have a chance.


At 1/06/2006 04:35:00 PM, Blogger K said...

Yikes! I'm so sorry to hear Phil, that must have been such a let down. If it's an unhealthy place for you to be then maybe a place of your own would be better. Whatever you end up doing you have my prayers and best wishes. Keep us posted.

So glad to hear things are cool with your wife.

At 1/06/2006 06:00:00 PM, Blogger dAAve said...

Good to hear from you Phil.
Really nice that you're getting to see your son daily. Cherish that for as long as it lasts. Hopefully forever.
I can't really appreciate about where you're living, not having been there. It may be similar to living on a boat back when I worked offshore. At times i slept in an 8-man room.
Hang in there buddy. There IS a reason for all this. It'll come clear some day.

At 1/06/2006 07:14:00 PM, Blogger AAwoken said...

Hang in there and God bless!

At 1/07/2006 02:03:00 AM, Anonymous Logan Wick said...

I am just going to say that I will pray for you. I am glad your wife is being cool with you. Phil, I wish I could say something more encouraging, but I'm at a loss buddy.

At 1/07/2006 05:06:00 AM, Blogger NMAMFQLMSH said...

As difficult as it sounds try to focus on the positive. And remember I see you!

At 1/07/2006 01:30:00 PM, Blogger Mary Christine said...

Hang in there. Glad your getting to spend some time with your son. Don't be too hard on yourself, you are doing the best you can with what you've got - today.

At 1/07/2006 04:48:00 PM, Blogger Shannon said...

You are doing good Phil... One step at time. If anything it will motivate to get that job and a place of your own. Hang in there. So glad to hear from you

At 1/08/2006 02:14:00 PM, Blogger Trudging said...

One day at a time buddy

At 1/11/2006 01:19:00 PM, Blogger Blue said...

Good to hear from you and glad that you get to see your son on a daily basis. I know you said you think that you are living like a drunk, but it’s my opinion that you are really not. Just because of the simple reason that you are not drinking. It took a long time to create the damage in our lives so it makes sense that it would take a long time to repair it… that just what I like to remember when I feel like I have not made enough progress.

Regardless I will be praying for you, hang in there

At 1/12/2006 03:03:00 PM, Anonymous Rusty said...

You're my hero, Phil! I admire you so much for what you're doing. It must be wonderful to be around your son so often. He's so lucky t have you around. Hang in there, friend...I'm sending you postive vibes on getting a job! :-)

At 1/12/2006 10:20:00 PM, Blogger Rex said...

Hey Phil,
Hang in will get better. The promises will come true. I have been taught by my "family" that there is a purpose behind all that we must trudge through. I have been told often that "this will one day be your greatest will not regret the past or wish to shut the door on it." Rely on the "family" for strength.


Post a Comment

<< Home